Facing Dementia Together: Precious moments in the season of good cheer

So spare a thought for the challenges the festivities can bring to families living with dementia.

Important and established routines are disrupted, unfamiliar environments are presented and the full range of support services might be affected.

As our series on dementia continues, we speak to two people whose partners have dementia to find out how Christmas has changed for them – yet remains a special time of year.

‘I’ll put on a record and we’ll have a wee dance. It’s lovely’

THE festivities aren’t the same for Jim Sykes these days, but he still looks forward to them because he knows they put a big smile on his wife Donna’s face.

She was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia – which also affects her spatial awareness – nearly seven years ago.

Jim, from Hawick, took early retirement from the local hosiery mill to look after his wife of 46 years and dotes on her every day, taking care of whatever the 65-year-old needs.

“Donna used to do everything at Christmas and that’s probably the biggest change,” he said.

“She still recognises the change in season, that Christmas is coming, and when it does I see a joyful smile on her face.

“When I suggested putting up the tree recently her eyes lit up.

“She helps me put the decorations on it – you’ve got to let them do what they can for as long as they can.

“We’ll go to the dementia café for a Christmas dinner and there’s going to be singing at that.

“I know she’ll join in even if she can’t say the words…I’m looking forward to that, to see her feet tapping.

“She loves music and when the Salvation Army comes round singing carols I know she’ll be jigging around in her chair.

“Sometimes if there’s nothing on the telly on a Saturday night I’ll put on a country record and we’ll have a wee dance. It’s lovely.”

The dad-of-two will be hosting their daughter’s family for Christmas dinner.

“I’ll be chief cook and bottle-washer while they look after Donna.

“She still joins us at the table and although I need to feed her, we’re all together.

“Hopefully it will never get to the stage where she has to be fed on her own.”

Jim admits he knew little about dementia before Donna was diagnosed while still in her fifties. Now he wants to spread the word of what a horrible condition it is.

“People don’t want to talk about it, but we have to,” he said passionately. “More and more people are getting it and at a younger age.

“Sometimes I just go into the garage and scream, but I know it’s frustrating for Donna as well.

“We’ve been married a long time and I’ll do whatever she needs.

“That’s why it’s so nice to see her face light up at Christmas time.”

Isobel and Bill determined to make most of festive season

ISOBEL DUFF met her husband Bill at Johnshaven Primary School in Inverbervie, Aberdeenshire, in 1976.

She was a new teacher and he was the head. Two years later they were married.

It was when the couple were moving to Broughty Ferry 15 years ago that Isobel first noticed something was wrong with Bill, as he became increasingly forgetful.

Now 85, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in October 2001 and although the condition’s progress was very slow, it is now at an advanced stage.

Isobel, whose mum had vascular dementia, has had to accept that this year’s Christmas will be different from those gone before.

“Usually we go to my brother’s in Cambuslang, near Glasgow, on Christmas Eve and stay for a few days but I know that would be too much for Bill this time,” she explained.

“I’m looking to make it simpler, so I’ll restrict visiting to close friends and family who understand dementia and know what to expect, which makes it more relaxing for me.

“On Boxing Day we’ll go to see friends and on the 28th our family is coming here. The carers will be here that day to make sure Bill is ok while I entertain.

“He isn’t really fazed by change but I always make sure there is a quiet place for him if it does get too much.”

She continued: “Presents don’t mean anything to him any more but we still buy him gifts.

“Last year he got a carpet golf set and this year he’s getting a DVD of school playground memories.

“I admit I do still buy a Christmas card for him to give to me but it’s only on a good day that he can write his name.

“I still like to decorate the house but if I ever detected he was upset by the changes, I would stop.

“I also need to think about things like what tree decorations will be near to where he’s sitting, because he might try to eat them.”

She added: “It’s important to me that he still gets involved in Christmas activities.

“Our choir has a Christmas concert on the 19th where he’ll sing and wear his Christmas waistcoat and we’ve just gone to a pantomime as well. Bill might not know it’s Christmas any more but he still knows it’s something special.”

And for Isobel, that’s good enough to make it all worthwhile.

You can make a difference

DEMENTIA really is everyone’s business and you can help change the lives of people with dementia and their families for the better by becoming a Dementia Friend this Christmas.

It’s easy and only takes a few minutes. Visit www. dementiafriends­scotland.org and learn a little about dementia and how it affects people living with the condition.

Dementia Friends support Alzheimer Scotland to ensure everyday life is better for people with dementia by making small changes like helping someone find the right bus or just being patient in a till queue.

Or show you care by giving an Alzheimer Scotland Caring Gift. Visit www.alzscot.org/shop/christmas_cards