Like England, a no score draw suits Miliband

Labour leader plays it safe ahead of crucial party conference.

He wasn’t the obvious candidate and certainly not the people’s choice for the job. He’s deeply uninspiring but he’s doing the best he can with a fairly weak team.

Last week he faced a tricky away tie and while the performance wasn’t very good the result was satisfactory.

England manager Roy Hodgson or Labour leader Ed Miliband? Take your pick.

While Hodgson took his team to Ukraine and ground out a nil-nil draw that leaves him needing a couple of home wins to qualify for next summer’s World Cup, Miliband was in Bournemouth to face the TUC.

Relations between the Labour leader and the trade unions these days increasingly resemble those between this country and the Ukraine when the latter was still in the USSR and behind the Iron Curtain.

Ed gave them a yellow card following the jiggery pokery surrounding the process to select a candidate in Falkirk. The GMB then took their ball away by cutting off their Labour party donations. And just as referees sometimes get things wrong but can’t rescind a booking so Labour have cleared the unions over Falkirk but can’t undo the caution.

Before he started speaking at the TUC conference bookies were taking bets he’d be heckled off the stage before he could get his speech out at the same sort of odds you could get that England were set to take a hiding in Kiev. Neither was realistically going to happen but there was plenty of scope for a slip up.

Miliband repeated his trick from last year’s party conference and spoke without notes. Like all tricks, however, it’s never as surprising or impressive as the first time you see it. And the trade union movement are not as wowed by a talking man as the political wonks who attend party conferences.

Miliband also made a clever but convoluted joke about Victorian Tory Edward Stanley, the Earl of Derby, who was the first Prime Minister to recognise trades unions. “Red Ed!” the Labour leader joked to no laughter whatsoever.

And just as in Kiev there were some positives to take home the centre backs were solid, the ball bounced back in play off the corner flag so in Ed’s speech there were pointers to what might be good in the next fixture when he addresses his party in Brighton.

As well as reiterating a commitment to the living wage there was talk of a substantial house-building programme for example policies that would put clear water between Labour and the other parties.

Ed’s boring performance in Bournemouth and the flat football in Kiev will be forgotten if things go right next time.

Should England win their Wembley fixtures and qualify for the World Cup, the Ukraine game will be seen as simply a step along the way. Similarly if Miliband plays a blinder in Brighton, last week’s efforts will matter not a jot.

But if England fail to qualify, Hodgson will be sacked. If Miliband fluffs his lines to conference, the whispers about his leadership will grow more audible.

And if England qualify and then fail in Brazil, Hodgson will be sacked, just in the same way that, if Miliband gives a good speech but loses the election, he will also be out on his ear.

The Ukraine game was typical of Hodgson’s career with England he did the minimum necessary. But as we approach the sharp end of the qualifying campaign he’ll have to find something more.

Miliband take note.