Losing a parent early in life leaves an emptiness

Who else knows us better than our mums?

The inquest begins into the death of Peaches Geldof on Monday.

It was a tragic end to the life of a young mum who seemed to have found happiness with her husband Thomas and two little sons Astala and Phaedra.

But, for 25-year-old Peaches, the pain of losing her mum Paula when she was only 11 ended her childhood and overshadowed the rest of her life.

In an interview just days before her death in April, she admitted to an American journalist that she feared she would die just like her mum because people always told her they were so alike.

Paula died at the age of 41 from a heroin overdose and traces of heroin were found in Peaches body.

Now, I don’t believe in the fatalistic view that we are condemned to repeat the mistakes and failures of our parents.

Clearly, there are hundreds of people who have mums or dads who are alcoholics, drug users or have a criminal background and they’re able to reject that, make a fresh start in life and have a positive, healthy outlook.

Every credit is due to those who have the strength of character to reject a flawed past and create a new and better future for themselves.

But I do know that everyone who loses a parent early in life never forgets the sense of loss when mum or dad are no longer there.

There is an emptiness that never goes away. My dad died when I was five and I have so much I want to tell him about the way life turned out for me.

I know a woman in her mid-40s who is attractive, talented and successful, but when she was 16 her mum died of cancer and that changed things forever.

“You have a choice at that time” she told me.

“You are so sad and angry, but you can make the decision to work hard, make something of yourself, treat others with respect and honour your mother’s memory. Or it can all go very wrong and you take another path.”

It never stopped her missing her mum for a moment especially on her wedding day and when her own baby was born. But I feel sure Elspeth would be proud of her daughter and the life she has created.

The bond between mothers and daughters is an unshakeable one. We depend upon our mums so much as children but sometimes even more as we grow older their wisdom, practical support when we have our own kids, advice when problems arise.

Who else knows you better? Your mum can share a laugh with you about the past, tell you frankly you look a mess in that dress, listen to your moans, enjoy family gossip, sort you out and love you through it all.

We should cherish our mums. They’re irreplaceable. As Peaches discovered.