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TV Review The Secret Life of Students

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Forgive me, but uni isn’t all about sin.

When my nephew went to university last year, my sister booked a week on a caravan site nearby so she could be on hand as he settled in.

I was of the opinion that having his over-protective mum a mile down the road for Freshers’ Week would only make life more awkward for him with his fellow students for the rest of the year, but there are some things you keep to yourself for the sake of a harmonious family Christmas.

I’m hoping my sibling was not watching this new fly-on-the-wall series on Thursday night as she’ll be buying a caravan for when the new term starts and pitching it at the campus car park.

The programme’s stated objective was to show us what life was like for 12 students as they spent their first year away from home, cataloguing their experiences through their posts on social media.

I don’t think Facebook is a place to go if you want an accurate portrait of what a guy is really thinking (after all, I “liked” my sister’s status when she said she was off to live in a mobile home for a week) and in the case of laddish Aiden it was more about his antics than academic achievement. “I’ve come to uni to have fun, get laid, kick ass and just be winning,” said Aiden who, if he hadn’t made his mum proud enough with that introduction, was then shown setting up a drinking game called Ring of Fire “with a Nazi twist”.

The two girls featured (I have no idea what happened to the other nine) made for a more interesting human behavioural study, especially history student Lauren who attended lectures and abstained from alcohol (both of which singled her out as “a bit different” among her peers).

Then there was Josie, who liked God and geology and spent her spare time either in confession or hoping the earth would move during one of her many one-night stands (obviously the two pursuits were linked). She also spelt “omg” wrong in a text.

Her stupidity meant she was destined to meet Aiden (and not in church), but this meeting of morals at least gave them both something to take away from university, even if Aiden spelt it clymedia when he searched for it on Google after his diagnosis. In the words of Lauren: “ONG!”

Channel 4, Thursday, 10pm