A bit of space could be saving grace for Douglas and Zeta Jones

They looked like the couple who had it all beauty, talent, fame, wealth, lovely children . . . the dream Hollywood lifestyle.

But last week Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas announced they are “taking time out” from their marriage of 13 years.

It’s always been a turbulent partnership.

Catherine has suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. Michael had a long hard fight with cancer. His oldest son Cameron has a drug problem and is in prison.

Michael and Catherine are both volatile and row a lot, which sounds an exhausting way to live. No wonder they need a break.

We all know couples who have passionate, stormy relationships and others who drift along placidly, making the best of things.

No one, I reckon, can ever really know what’s going on in a marriage apart from the two people who are living it.

That’s why family and friends often call it wrong when they try to “understand” a couple who are struggling to hold things together.

For many people a break or time out can be the answer when things go wrong. Giving yourself space to let the tensions ease and get a chance to work out what you want and what compromises you’re prepared to make can be helpful.

Sometimes talking is useful but not always. At times listening is more effective.

Every relationship has its trigger points and it’s how we learn to handle those that makes the crucial difference.

A few weeks ago I got an interesting letter from a male Sunday Post reader who has had a long and happy marriage, as have all his grown-up children. But he wasn’t smug about it.

“We have more than 100 years of marriage between us as a family,” he wrote. “But I still don’t know the secret of what makes a marriage happy, apart from one thing you just have to start afresh every day.”

Simplistic? Perhaps, but it’s not easy to do.

Yesterday’s rows, grudges and grievances belong in the past. We can choose how we want to live in the present.

And sometimes taking time to be kind to yourself is the place to begin.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” wrote the poet Kahlil Gibran.

For Catherine and Michael the “spaces” might lead to a new understanding of each other or they might not.

But they’ve taken the important first step.