Think of the one thing that’s missing from your life, that gaping chasm in your existence that keeps you awake at night, sobbing gently.
It can only be one thing, surely. That’s right, McDonald’s fries smothered in double chocolate sauce.
Well dry your eyes and stop whining, your long wait for this culinary delight is finally at an end.
McDonald’s recently launched a new dish featuring a serving of French fries with lashings of sticky chocolate sauce on top – but only in Japan.
We know, it’s so unfair.
If you think that sounds weird, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
Here are some of the oddest concoctions from Japan and elsewhere around the globe.
Kit Kats, Japan
The classic Kit Kat is something that shouldn’t be mucked around with too much. We can cope with mint Kit Kats and orange Kit Kats – even chunky peanut butter ones if we’re feeling brave.
But our Japanese cousins appear to have lost the plot.
Good, old-fashioned chocolate clearly doesn’t do it for them, so punters have been able to enjoy “interesting” flavors such as green tea, soybean, grilled potato, salty watermelon and wasabi.
Thanks, but no thanks, Japan.
Wasabi cheese flavour doughnuts, Singapore
Krispy Kreme doughnut shops have been a hit since appearing Scotland in recent years, with people travelling from far and wide to stuff their faces with box-fulls of sugary loveliness.
But the company is missing a trick by not stocking these Singapore-style wasabi paste and cheese doughnuts.
That, along with the seaweed cheese option, would have punters queueing for miles.
If these don’t tickle your fancy, in Indonesia they have black cheese doughnuts, while in Korea you can buy fermented cabbage ones.
Xylish Platinum Mint Chardonnay Gum, Japan
Again, we’re in Japan. This quirky white wine flavour chewing gum will give you the unmistakable reek of someone with a daytime drinking problem without the fun of actually being tipsy.
Probably best to avoid chewing it in the car while approaching a police road check.
If you want something to go with your wine flavour gum, you could try TV Dinner Gumballs from America, which have three flavours per pack – roast beef, sweetcorn and apple cobbler.
Who needs food when gum’s this good?
Viagra Ice Cream, Venezuela
The Heladería Coromoto ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuala, holds the world record for having the most ice cream flavours – 860!
If you’re going to offer that many varieties, it’s inevitable some weird ones will sneak in. And none can be quite as bonkers as Viagra flavour.
We’re not sure what it actually tastes like, but let’s be frank, if you’re buying a Viagra cone, the flavour probably isn’t high on your list of considerations.
Still, it sounds nicer than Japan’s raw horse flesh flavour ice cream.
Wasp Crackers, Japan
Wasps aren’t the most-loved animals in the world. You wouldn’t keep one as a pet would you?
So most folk won’t shed a tear to hear of the demise of one of stripy tyrants.
However, after death it’s usually safe to assume that their tiny corpses will be slung in the bin or out of a window, not baked into a ‘tasty’ biscuit.
But in the town of Omachi that’s exactly what they do. The crackers are stuffed with very stingy digger wasps.
Call us old-fashioned, but we reckon food that hurts is a bad thing.
Kiviak, Greenland
Preparation is key when making a delicious dish. You need to lovingly bring the ingredients together and take your time creating something the whole family will love.
So next time you’re stuck for an idea for Sunday lunch, why not try this traditional Inuit meal.
It’s quite simple. All you have to do is stuff some auks (small birds) inside the hollowed-out body of a seal, smother it with seal grease and bury it under a large rock pile for 3-18 months – then enjoy.
Yummmy. The kids will LOVE it!
Moko Moko Mokolet (Toilet Candy), Japan
Ahh, sweets and toilets – a classic combo. They go together like . . . hamsters and Rubik’s Cubes or trumpets and puddles.
So it was obvious that at some point a genius would put the two elements together to create a glorious new product.
Step forward, the Japanese (who else?).
To enjoy this unique experience you first snap together a small plastic toilet pan, then fill it with fizzy candy liquid before drinking the sweet goo from the bowl. Stay classy, Japan.
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