Twin Defeats – Watching the Robertson sisters left me grappling with a life lesson from the past

The last time I threw a punch in anger was when I was aged 14. It missed.

The object of my aggression then wrapped my flailing arm in a hold – the technical term for which I found out on Tuesday is called a Fujiwara armbar and made me call a rather humiliating end to our fight inside 10 seconds. So I have some sympathy for how Fiona Robertson feels.

She was one of the 45-year-old twins who represented Scotland in wrestling at the SECC Precinct on Tuesday and her experience of competing at a home Commonwealth Games only lasted 49 seconds longer than mine as she was pinned inside a minute by England’s Yana Rattigan.

Fiona and I share a misfortune of having picked a fight with a freestyle wrestling expert from a country with no history of producing one (the one and only Scottish gold medallist in the sport was Edward Melrose at the 1934 Games).

It could be said that I got my just desserts, my playground rival (let’s call him Ron Weasley to protect his true identity) becoming fed up of my taunts about his ginger hair and general lack of looks and deciding to teach me a lesson. My knowledge of wrestling extended no further than ITV’s World of Sport, Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks and I certainly didn’t know Ron was a member of the one and only wrestling club in the area. Had I done so I would have picked on someone else.

Fiona deserves your compassion more, coming up against a woman who is actually from Ukraine and was brought to Britain to lend her expertise and help train our wrestlers ahead of the Olympic Games and end up marrying one of them (Englishman Leon Rattigan).

It was like Scotland playing England in an international football match at Hampden and the visitors being allowed to play Sergio Aguero and Yaya Toure because they ply their trade in Manchester and, in the case of the latter, has his birthday given due significance.

“Welcome along, it’s wrestling time,” said commentator Jon Driscoll ahead of the bout, doing his best Kent Walton impersonation.

Jon informed me that the sport had undergone something of a transformation since being removed from the Olympics schedule and then duly reinstated at the very next meeting. Rounds were now three minutes long instead of two and the rules adapted to reward competitors who were “more attacking.” You still couldn’t hit your opponent over the head with a chair, though.

“Success or failure can come very quickly,” warned Jon, a chilling precursor for the Robertson twin’s bout with Rattigan.

First up, however, was Fiona’s sister Donna, who was fighting Rebecca Muambo of Cameroon. Following the success of the Renicks sisters in Judo, hopes were high in the SECC of another “twin” success although a double gold was definitely not on the cards as the Robertsons are identical in every way (they were fighting in the same weight category).

It wasn’t their 48kg but their age that amused football commentator Jon, though. “She’s 45,” he chuckled as Donna walked to the mat before sensibly staying quiet while former Commonwealth silver medallist John Melling explained what was happening during the bout.

Unfortunately, the picture in John’s head didn’t always manifest itself into intelligible phrases coming out of his mouth for the uninitiated and we got five minutes of “Oohs” and “Ahhs” in a thick Lancastrian brogue, followed by such nuggets as, “She’s looking for the gut wrench,” “nice leg attack into a fireman’s carry,” and “two for the takedown but was there back exposure?”

“Muambo is a two-time African champion,” piped up Driscoll as she built up an unassailable lead.

Then it was the turn of sister Fiona and her 49 seconds of fame (I should point out she has previously won a Commonwealth bronze medal in judo before taking up wrestling).

“When she got strong around the neck that’s difficult,” Melling unhelpfully explained of Rattigan’s quick finish.

In Rattigan’s next bout she beat Muambo in even less time (39 seconds), which proved to everyone how good she was.

After beating me, Ron celebrated his victory by taking my girlfriend off me two weeks later. So it could be worse, Fiona.