Aberlour charity’s first foster family, 20 years on

Driving south to Flamingo Land, Natasha Wallace was not just beginning a holiday, but starting a new life.

The teenager, who had grown up in residential care, had been away before but never as part of a family.

“I remember being excited, but nervous too. It felt like my whole life had turned upside down,” she said. “On the first day with my new foster parents, they told me they were going on holiday.

“They must have seen the look of disappointment on my face and just laughed, saying of course I was going too, that I was part of the family now. It felt completely strange and completely natural at the same time.”

Now, 20 years on from her momentous trip to the Yorkshire theme park, Natasha is helping celebrate the life-changing role played by Scotland’s foster carers.

She was the first girl to find a family when Aberlour, Scotland’s biggest children’s charity, launched its fostering service in 2004 and says it transformed her life.

Now 35, Natasha had lived in residential care for almost a decade after being removed from a family fractured by abuse and neglect along with her six siblings.

She said: “I was 15 and remember worrying about what would happen when I was 18. I had no idea what would happen next. To find a family at last meant everything.”

The legacy of her early years meant she had trouble trusting adults and, she said, her new family, like any other, suffered turbulence at times.

“It wasn’t all smooth sailing. I had been through a lot and those first few years are a crucial time. There were courts and police, a lot for me to deal with. There was trauma there.

“Thankfully, Aberlour supports foster carers to understand how children testing boundaries or acting out can often be about something else altogether. It can be a cry for help.

“It just takes time. It took me years to accept love and compliments from my mum and dad. Even now, I struggle to accept a hug from them.

“Accepting someone likes you never mind loves you can be difficult for children who have never experienced it.

“It took three or four years before I called them mum and dad, for example, but it soon felt natural.”

Natasha Wallace was fostered aged 15 after years of abuse and neglect as a child.

Twenty years on, her foster family is now just her family and the care worker from Clackmannanshire still lives nearby.

She said: “I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them.

“To know someone is there for you is like a suit of armour.

“Most people take it for granted but I never did and I never will. I used to wonder what might have happened if I hadn’t found my family? Where would I be? Who would I be? But I know who I am now and who my family is.”

She said foster carers have the potential to transform young lives: “Children need someone there for them. To be that someone is huge, to literally change someone’s life is an incredible thing.”

However, her mum and dad – Aberlour’s first foster parents – said the real satisfaction is not found in what they give children but what they get in return.

The couple had a background in social work and residential care but were still surprised by the positive impact of fostering on their family.

David and Shona – not their real names, they would rather not be identified to protect the privacy of other children – said fostering Natasha was life-changing for everyone.

Shona, 56, said: “Even though we had worked in care, it was still a shock to have this child, who had been quite traumatised, living with us. It felt scary.

“It was terrifying for Natasha too because she hadn’t been with a family for so long.

“There had been long discussions about fostering but eventually we just decided to go for it, to bring these kids up alongside our own.

“Children need a family to grow. Families aren’t possible for every child but are the best way of giving them stability and seeing them through to adulthood.

“When I was training as a social worker, we’d be told that if there’s one person crazy about you then you are more likely to succeed.

“We just wanted to be the people who were crazy for these kids.”

The couple were speaking ahead of a celebration to mark the 20th anniversary of Aberlour’s fostering service later this month and encouraged other families to think about it.

David, 58, said the couple started fostering “with clear eyes” but the demands – and the rewards – were still more than they expected.

He said: “There are a lot of great times, a lot of happiness, but it’s not the Waltons.

“It’s the same for any family but, because of their experience, foster children bring an unpredictability. You can be in the trenches at times but the dark days get lighter.”

When advising couples thinking about fostering, he encourages them to understand the reality of their responsibility and not romanticise the role.

He said: “Sometimes you hear people talk about ‘rescuing’ children.

“We’re not here to rescue anyone, we’re here to support them and encourage them, to give them the chance to live happy, fulfilled lives. If we can do that, it’s enough.”

Shona said it was when Natasha left home at 22 that she finally realised her family was for life.

“She got her own place and realised we were still there for her, that we’re here for the long haul. She is our daughter, a fine young woman.”

The couple said their family including six children, some fostered, some not, has ups and downs like any other.

Shona said: “It’s not a bed of roses. It’s family life. It’s about belonging and it’s about love, unconditional love.

“When I was 50, the kids gave me a handmade memory book and on the cover it said, ‘We’re not step, we’re not half, we’re not fostered, we’re family.’ It is the nicest thing I have ever been given. It is lovely.”

Lynne O’Brien, Aberlour charity’s Chief Officer of Children and Families.

Lynne O’Brien, Aberlour’s chief officer of children and families, said: “We’re proud to be celebrating 20 years of Aberlour Fostering supporting children, young people and foster carers.

“We have a long-term commitment to providing loving, caring and supportive foster care for children and young people, helping to transform lives.

“Children’s rights are at the heart of everything we do at Aberlour and we continue to listen and learn from children, young people and families to ensure we deliver the best care and support.”

Find more about fostering at aberlour.org.uk