Louise Gilmour: After 14 disastrous years, hopefuls for the Tory leadership need some humility

It was September 1898 and Russia’s expansionist ambitions had not gone unnoticed in the offices of the Skibbereen Eagle.

In a stern editorial, the local paper in West Cork, Ireland, told Tsar Nicolas II to step back, while warning it would be “keeping an eye on the Emperor of Russia”.

At least the Eagle’s lunatic hubris is still fondly remembered, the aspiring Tory leaders currently pledging to keep an eye on Sir Keir Starmer are hard to recall even while they are blathering away on our television screens.

Who are these people who think they should be listened to after inflicting 14 years of unparalleled catastrophe, corruption and ineptitude at the highest levels of government?

What bullet-proof confidence encourages them to believe they have the right to question the new UK Government when graveyards of skeletons are still tumbling from the prised-open cupboards of Number 10?

We are, of course, lucky enough to be suffering not one but two Conservative leadership races, although Ticketmaster is unlikely to make more millions selling tickets for either.

In Scotland, Russell Findlay MSP, the bookies’ favourite apparently, is a former crime reporter who must have written more words in the last few weeks than during his entire career in journalism.

It has been difficult to open a paper without another 1,000 words from Mr Findlay falling out as he details plans to revolutionise Scotland’s schools, overhaul our justice system and, if he has a spare afternoon, teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

If Mr Findlay is getting paid by the word then he will not need his MSP’s salary for long but he would have been as well writing his manifestos for change on tissue paper, setting them alight and floating them up the chimney to Santa.

It is not his fault. He is a politician, like most of them, and running to lead his party, for what it’s worth, but he will never get to dust down his big plan. It doesn’t mean a thing.

Baldy men fighting over a comb would have greater significance – and dignity, given the back-stabbing of candidates – than the race to take over the Scottish Tories.

© Andrew Cawley

Meanwhile, the engine is not yet cold in the UK Conservatives’ clown car as it lies, billowing smoke, doors blown off, and the wheels rolling down Downing Street.

Instead of hiding under the duvet, however, those who were at the wheel are rushing to find a microphone.

It is not just the Tories. On election night, we had Nicola Sturgeon on ITV offering her insight on a catastrophic night for her party in a punditry debut that managed to enrage her former cabinet colleagues as much as everyone else.

Her former chief of staff, Liz Lloyd, has become another regular chin-stroker on TV despite the many outstanding questions around the achievements, culture and conduct of an SNP administration where she was the leader’s right hand.

Most recently, she was seen, with a straight face, offering advice to Sir Keir Starmer on how to address a dip in his popularity even as the reputation of her old boss smouldered in a tin bucket in the corner.

All of them, all of these movers and shakers, who have so recently moved and shaken this country into the state we’re in, need to step away from the microphones and keyboards.

Tongue-tied Trappist monks should have more to say than these failed politicians and their bag-carriers.

A minute’s silence for their credibility would be more appropriate than another TV interview.

They had their chance, blew it and, deep down, know no words can change it.

Louise Gilmour is GMB Scotland secretary.