Parents of tragic army cadet Kaylee McIntosh on love, loss and becoming foster carers

The parents of a teenage cadet killed after a catalogue of failures at Army camp have revealed how they are realising one of their daughter’s last wishes by becoming foster carers.

Kaylee McIntosh was just 14 when she died, but had been enthusiastic about her parents caring for other children. Mum and dad Lesley and Derek McIntosh, who have an older son Jon, revealed they had been about to finalise Kaylee’s hope of becoming a foster family just two weeks before the tragedy.

However, the loss of their daughter on the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides on August 3, 2007, brought the plan to a halt.

Remembering Kaylee’s enthusiasm for fostering, Lesley, from Aberdeenshire, said: “This is a new chapter for us. We had spoken as a family about fostering. Kaylee was 12 and Jon was 17 at the time. They thought it was a great idea. Kaylee was so excited about it. We started the lengthy application process in 2005.

“When Kaylee died we were only two weeks from panel – the final stage where a body of professionals and lay people make the decision on whether or not to approve you as foster carers. The panel appointment had to be postponed.

“While our application was ongoing, we had been providing respite and holiday care for a child whose foster parent worked. Kaylee loved spending time with that child. After she died, a member of staff from Aberdeenshire Council’s Child Care team sent a wonderful letter praising her. It read: ‘It seems that Kaylee was hero-worshipped by (her foster sibling) whom she made to feel important and valued.’ And it added: ‘It has been a privilege to have you all as part of our childcare team. You have been wonderful carers.’

“It was some time later, while we were away on break, that we spoke again about fostering. But the local authority didn’t think it was the right time after what we had been through. So we waited. We got in touch with our social worker again at the beginning of 2019 to say we wanted to restart proceedings.”

Mrs McIntosh explained their details had been stored in Aberdeenshire Council’s archive and the remaining process was relatively quick. She said: “We were really lucky to get on a training course in Aberdeen in 2019 and were approved in September 2020. But then Covid-19 happened and we were shielding elderly parents, so it was put on hold again. Eventually, though, we had our first foster child who has now moved on and we are waiting for the next. Kaylee would be proud, we think. Even at the panel one of the members noted that we had had the courage to continue the journey.

“Fostering is such an important thing to do; especially now when Covid-19 has created extreme need for foster carers. We will never get over the loss of our daughter.” But, she added, “she would be happy we are fostering, because it is something we started as a family, and it is something we have at last achieved. Kaylee is still a big part of that.”

Kaylee – a lance corporal in the 2nd Battalion The Highlanders Army Cadet Force – died on Loch Carnan after becoming trapped under the hull of a capsized vessel in a life jacket that was too big. The error was one of eight criticised at a Fatal Accident Inquiry in 2009.

Sheriff Alasdair MacFadyen’s damning report into the expedition, led by Major George McCallum, then 48, revealed the cadets were in an overloaded boat not suited to the purpose, and without appropriate life jackets, proper weather checks and an effective head count. The sheriff ruled that had just one of the safety measures been taken, Kaylee might have survived.

When the boat – carrying 12 passengers – flipped over, with Kaylee beneath, other members of the expedition climbed on the upturned hull. Officers failed to notice she was missing for 90 minutes. McCallum was fined £5,000 in 2012, after previously admitting health and safety charges at Inverness Sheriff Court.

Lesley, a bus driver, said: “When we lost Kaylee it was really, really hard. To this day, it is hard. Her room is just as she left it on the day she went away to cadet camp, except now it’s where we keep boxes filled with letters and cards that we received after she died. It is only in the last two years that I have been able to read them.”

The 54-year-old was off work for two years after her daughter’s death. Her mechanical fitter husband Derek, 53, couldn’t work for several months. His pride in the “tomboy” daughter – who from a young age was into cars, trucks and motorbikes and spent hours working in the garage with her dad – is palpable. He said Kaylee planned to gain car, motorbike and heavy goods vehicle driving licences by the age of 17 and aimed on finishing school to go into the Logistics Corps in the Army.

He said: “Kaylee and I were incredibly close. We shared the same sense of humour and interests. She knew every tool in the garage and how to use them. Every time I go in there, it brings it all back.”

Reliving the moment the couple were given the devastating news, his wife said: “We were at the Ford Fair in Silverstone in Northamptonshire. We had asked Kaylee to come with us but she chose to go with the cadets. She had died that morning but it was 7pm before we knew.

“We were in a newsagent’s in the village of Silverstone at the time. Jon broke the news to us on the phone but we had to call a police number to be formally informed. Our world ended in that moment.

“The police said they would pick us up and take us to the nearest airport, but they didn’t turn up. We just wanted to get home. We just wanted Kaylee home. So we drove through the night. It was torture. We were crying all the way. Kaylee was taken to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary and we had to identify her in the chapel there. But you have to go on. Kaylee would have wanted us to go on.”

Becoming a foster carer

Becoming a foster carer is challenging but can make a life-transforming difference to the lives of children, according to experts.

Leigh Jolly, Aberdeenshire Council’s head of children’s services, said: “Recently to mark Foster Care Fortnight, we shared several examples of long-serving foster carers who provided a nurturing and happy home for countless children and young people.

“Whilst fostering isn’t always an easy journey, it can be a hugely rewarding experience as you have the opportunity to make a real difference to the life of a child or young person.”

Foster Care Fortnight is the Fostering Network’s annual campaign to raise the profile of fostering and show how it changes lives. The Network – a charity registered in Scotland – states: “There are many different types of fostering and each foster carer chooses what is right for them and their family.”

For more information, visit thefosteringnetwork.org.uk or email fostering.befriending@aberdeenshire.gov.uk