Couple who met in support group after losing spouses to cancer mark new chapter in Fife with children’s book

For Lawrence and Liz Dinse, the newest chapter of their lives is all about embracing the little moments that allow them to stop and feel content.

Two years ago, they moved to the Fife coast having married after meeting on an online bereavement support group, both losing their spouses to cancer in 2014.

Taking a stroll and a swim has allowed them space to reflect on their journey and has even led to a new venture with children’s book Larry The Seal, which aims to bring young people into the conversation about climate change.

“We were both widowed at roughly the same time,” Lawrence explained. “Ruby Wax had written a book about mindfulness and we started chatting about that.

“I said to Liz she should come up to Edinburgh, I’d meet her at the train station. She came up and we took a little drive down to Dunbar.”

‘We’ve grieved together’

On the trip, Liz noticed Lawrence’s tattoo of a feather, a symbol in memory of his late wife Kate.

“When she was in the hospice, I woke up one morning and there was a feather on her pillow. People said I should Google it, that it meant something and it did – you’re being told you’re not alone.

“At that time, I needed to hear that. Liz asked me about the tattoo and what the significance was. As we were walking along the harbour, no word of a lie, a big white feather drifted down and brushed against her shoulder.”

It seemed to be a sign. The pair bonded over their shared understanding of the bereavement journey, and would eventually marry in 2017.

“It was quite a surreal moment,” Liz, from Liverpool, said. “We used to meet at Gretna Green after that because it was halfway. Seven years ago last week, we got married there.

“We’ve grieved together. We’re also lucky we’ve got quite similar values. We can counter-balance each other.

“If I’m having a day where I’m feeling down, Lawrence can talk to me and we have these little key words; love, trust, happiness.

“That’s something we’ve had from early on. Lots of people meet and rush in but we had building blocks we went through gradually.”

Larry The Seal

The Fife coast has been the perfect place for the couple to find space for a mindful moment.

They’ve set up craft stalls with items made from beachcombing and it was in the Forth waters that the inspiration came for Larry The Seal.

Keen writer Lawrence, originally from Leith, hopes to find an literary agent to take forward the book, which can already be found in a number of shops in Edinburgh and Fife.

“The Fife coast is stunning, and undervalued. Even from across the water I didn’t realise how distinct it was,” he said.

“At Largo earlier this year, the sun was setting in the west and the moon rising to the east just above Bass Rock. There were seals basking. I didn’t know that was on our doorstep.

“We’re not swimmers – we call ourselves dippers – but we were in the water there and this little head popped up, quite inquisitive and looking at us. I thought I’d write a wee story about it.”

The tale sees seal Larry meet youngster Lizzie on the beach after school to talk about various things, including the changes to coastal environment.

“You’re looking at the biggest hurricane in Florida in 100 years and it seems to be every record is getting broken every year,” Lawrence said. “The book’s a good way of getting children to understand it in a simpler way.

“We often go to the beach at Kirkcaldy and you see remnants of coal from the pits. There was a lad with a piece in his hand and I heard him ask his mum what it was.

“If we’re talking about fossil fuels and kids don’t know what a piece of coal is, I can put that in the story and make it a bit more exciting.”

The benefits of talking

After getting bereavement counselling, Lawrence went on to study it, and many of the core values have filtered into his relationship.

And the importance of talking is another theme that’s found its way into the book.

“I used to go the shops and I could see people avoiding me, but I was also avoiding people because I didn’t want to burden them with how I was feeling.

“I never even told a lot of my friends when the funeral was – I didn’t want to talk about it. That was not the best thing but it was where I was at.

“A lot of the old fashioned values are destructive but they stick with you. A lot of people are tiptoeing around each other and it eats away inside you.

“Through the counselling I understand the value of just talking. There’s a little bit of that in the book too.

“Most people have no understanding of 2045, net zero, they’re not talking about it.

“The generation the book’s geared to will be young adults and it’ll affect their lives massively.”

One of the places the book has ended up on sale is at the Leith Collective in the Ocean Terminal, on the site of the shipyard Lawrence left school to work in over 40 years ago.

“Henry Robb’s was such a heavy, hard industry, a brutal environment,” he said. “Who would’ve thought 40 years on I’ve written a children’s story about a soft little seal!

“I do think sometimes it’s nice to think outside the box sometimes and for some people to step out their comfort zone. Everyone has many talents but they don’t really pursue them.”

‘There are more chapters to come’

Lawrence and Liz still enjoy spending time on the beaches and catching a glimpse of the seals.

It’s a constant reminder of how far they’ve made it from the early years of bereavement and how simple things can bring a smile.

“We’re still discovering beautiful new places every day,” Liz said. “It’s about trying to rebalance life.

“When we’re sat at the beach, hearing the waves, seeing the wildlife, it helps take away all that chatter in your head. There’s that much going on in the world, it gives you a bit of escape.

“We’ve had to embrace change as it was forced upon us, but we tried to utilise that to then explore different things.

“We had the encounter with the seal, and every day there are other stories in the making. We’ve both turned 60 this year and there are more chapters and adventures to come.”

Lawrence added: “Life has had massive ups and downs but where we’re at now, we try to grasp as many peaceful moments as we can.

“Many go from A to B and forget the most important part is the journey between. We’re at that moment in life where we try to have that awareness about us every day.”