‘I’ve managed to move away from experiences with my dad. I feel most like myself when I play’: Cellist Leah Coloff inspired by ‘abusive’ father to create show

She won a Grammy earlier this year and has performed with music legends like David Bowie, Iggy Pop and Debbie Harry.

But when Leah Coloff discovered a decades-old letter from her father to her music tutor which said she didn’t have what it takes to be a musician, it stopped her in her tracks.

“My dad died 20 years ago, but I found a draft of this letter recently when I was helping my mother clean out the family home,” she explained.

“He had written to my teacher while I was studying cello at the San Francisco Conservatory. My dad tells her that he doesn’t believe in me and I can’t make it as a professional. It’s really intense.”

Leah’s dad, Lawrence, was a music teacher and introduced her to the cello, but it wasn’t a happy experience for her.

“Music was the only thing he cared about. All my dad wanted was for me and my sister to become musicians. I think this letter was a last-ditch attempt for him to control the outcome of my life.

“Reading the letter made me feel very sad, but it was also vindication because I had been carrying these ideas around within me and having trouble coming to terms with the way I felt about music and my career and the struggles I’ve had.

“Suddenly it was made clear to me that I hadn’t been imagining what went on in my childhood, that this was proof that my dad was very manipulative and abusive around music, which is an odd thing to be abusive around.”

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Leah has had mixed feelings about music for most of her career, due to those experiences with her dad, and tried to give up at certain points but always felt drawn back in.

One of the things she did to distance herself from her dad’s vision was to move away from classical music and perform in rock and pop instead.

She said: “Because he died 20 years ago, he didn’t witness some of the things I’ve done that are special. But one of the most gratifying experiences of my life happened when he was still around, and that was when I recorded my first album.

“I remember playing it to my parents while we were on a road trip and neither of them said a word. It wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing, according to them.”

Yet taking that route has led to her being an in-demand cellist for artists like Iggy, Debbie and Bowie, as well as Lou Reed, Damon Albarn, Ziggy Marley, Nancy Sinatra, Rufus Wainwright and Linda Thompson.

Leah is part of the house band of Tibet House, a non-profit organisation founded in New York at the Dalai Lama’s request.

Each year they host a benefit concert featuring some of the biggest names in music. “I played with Iggy a couple of times at the concerts. He’s amazing. I cried during it because it was at Carnegie Hall and he was just so full-on when he was doing his thing,” she smiled.

“He’s a really sweet guy.

“And David Bowie was really chatty and friendly. We were rehearsing, and just hearing that voice was stunning, because I used to listen to his Young Americans album over and over, and I felt I had such an association to it, so to hear his voice was amazing.

“These experiences have given me a clear vision of the idea that it takes the same drive and talent to do any type of music.

“When I was growing up, my dad believed classical music was the pinnacle, and if you were a rock musician you couldn’t really play.

“Having seen these artists play, I know that just because they aren’t playing classical music doesn’t mean they’re not incredible musicians.”

The discovery of her dad’s scathing letter, and the complicated relationship she has with her profession due to his attitude, has inspired Leah to write a one-woman show, Super Second Rate, which is in Edinburgh next month.

“The reason I wanted to share my story is because lots of families have rules and ideas about the way you should be, and I think everyone struggles with trying to meet the expectations of their families and overcoming that feeling of being a disappointment,” she added.

“Trying to please parents and families is a common theme.

“The show makes the audience think about their own parental expectations and whether they have done a good job in serving those.

“Part of the struggle I’ve had in my life is questioning why I keep doing this thing that has brought incredible intensity and has so much personal history, but it compels me.

“I’ve managed to make it my own and move away from those experiences with my dad. I feel most like myself when I’m playing music.”

Super Second Rate, theSpace@Surgeons’ Hall, Haldane Theatre, Aug 2-17 (except 11)