Wheels keep turning: The bikers riding through their grief

When Craig White and Gordon Bissell met for the first time four months ago, they felt an instant connection.

It wasn’t just from attending the same school in Paisley years earlier, or because they had ridden motorbikes since the age of 16, or even from being season ticket holders at St Mirren.

What really brought them together was both being widowed earlier this year. Gordon’s wife Ruth died on March 9, aged 59, and Craig’s wife Sarah was just 36 when she died on April 26.

Craig, 52, and Sarah met when they were working at the Olympics in London in 2012 and reconnected in Glasgow in 2014 for the Commonwealth Games.

“There was an instant click and we were married the following August,” says Craig. “She moved up to Paisley from Sheffield and life was perfect.”

When Sarah started suffering pain and sickness in 2019, her doctor didn’t consider it serious, despite regular appointments through 2020/21 and losing three stone. It wasn’t until August 2022 that Craig and Sarah were told she had stage four stomach cancer, with only 12 to 18 months to live.

Chemotherapy followed, along with clinical drug trials, intense pain, blood transfusions, hospital appointments and trips to A&E. Throughout it all, Sarah remained strong.

“Even on our last hospital visit, when we were told she had days left, she said cheerfully ‘Night, night darling,’” says Craig. “Two days before she died, she gave me a book, Things To Do When I’m Gone, which was a bucket list for me, including riding the NC500 and starting a YouTube channel to connect with others in a similar situation.”

Riding Through Grief

Floored by his loss, Craig couldn’t imagine doing any of those things, but family and friends encouraged him and in May he launched the Riding Through Grief video series.

For Ruth and Gordon, 62, it was January 2023 when she told him she had a strange sensation in her abdomen. Her GP referred her to a gynaecologist, but initial scans were inconclusive, so tissue samples were taken. In May of that year, the couple were told Ruth had stage three ovarian cancer and her treatment plan included a hysterectomy and chemotherapy.

However, lengthy waiting times meant Ruth was deteriorating and on morphine at home. By the time she was seen again in August, her cancer was stage four and immediate chemotherapy was advised. “After her second bout of chemo we believed it was working,” says Gordon. “She looked good and we were both hopeful.”

That hope was short-lived as the chemotherapy hadn’t worked and immunotherapy was now the only option. Sadly, Ruth reacted so badly to immunotherapy that it nearly killed her, and in October they were told her care would now be palliative.

“It was now about quality of life and we really lived every minute,” says Gordon. “Her two best friends organised a spa day at one of their homes and when I saw Ruth so happy and relaxed, with a glass of prosecco, I knew we were doing the right thing.

“She said everything she needed to say to me, our son Aaran and her mum, the rest of the family and her friends. She died the day after our 38th wedding anniversary.”

Three months later, as he struggled to find a new way of life, Gordon was told about Riding Through Grief. Soon after logging on, he met up with Craig for the first time. Both say they are deeply grateful for the love and support of family and friends, but Riding Through Grief helps them connect with others and be part of a community where bikes and grief are the main themes.

‘Men aren’t good at talking to each other’

“We’ve both lost beautiful, strong women who knew how much we loved them and depended on them,” says Craig. “They were confident we’d look after them through their illnesses and do anything for them, but they also knew we’d be lost without them and I think that’s why Sarah wrote that bucket list.

“Men aren’t good at talking to each other and Riding Through Grief helps start the conversation. Gordon and I could have been talking to each other from anywhere in the world, yet we were just a few miles apart.”

© Andrew Cawley

The format for the channel is simple – a bike ride and a chat. Responses and comments are heartfelt, especially on the first occasion Craig attempted the NC500 and had to give up, so engulfed in grief he felt his head was exploding. Two months later, the same people applauded and encouraged him as he finished it.

“There were four options for me when I lost Ruth,” Gordon says. “Head for the Erskine Bridge, sit at home doing nothing but watch soaps, live a small, safe life, or go out there and do everything. We really believe we’re doing what Ruth and Sarah would want, helping ourselves and others to live again.”

youtube.com/@RidingThroughGrief