The look on my nine-year-old’s face changes about 30 seconds after the light goes green. Not that I can tell.
My eyes are firmly shut, my hands are gripping the plastic handles so tight my knuckles are white, and the scream which seems to be coming from the depth of my soul is so loud, it’s scaring poor Poppy.
We’re on opposite ends of an inflatable square hurtling down the Tropical Cyclone water ride at Center Parcs. It is brilliant fun, but as scary as a rollercoaster.
There are five Center Parcs in the UK (with another on the way) and the set-up is a winning combination – self-catering accommodation, masses to do, and everything you need on your doorstep.
You can pick a basic lodge for you and yours, or hire a huge space with friends or family. And it is worth spending a bit more on a fancier set-up. When you have a games room or hot tub, you’re likely to spend less on activities.
Swimming is probably what Center Parcs is most known for. The Subtropical Paradise is home to a pool, wave machine, flumes, baby pools, rapids and a lovely lazy river – probably the best water park you can visit without hopping on a plane. It’s also the only free activity here – apart from riding your own bike.
Boredom just isn’t possible. The additional activities cost more, but they’re great. Outdoor adventurers can swing through the trees, while tiny tots paint pots or learn to balance bike.
We opt for weather-safe options of ten-pin bowling and table tennis. And while Poppy and I pretend to be Bake Off contestants, decorating cupcakes with fondant designs and piping pretty patterns in buttercream, my other daughter Rosie, 12, and her dad, head off to go bobbing and weaving at Laser Combat as they shoot at the opposition.
Ambling towards the spa for my morning treatment, the lake is already buzzing. Peace seekers are fishing from the edges, a group are learning how to paddleboard and families are gently pumping pedals on the pedalo boats.
Covid-related downsides abound, much as they do anywhere. You can currently only book two swimming slots within your stay, though they do then release extras closer to your break. Arcades are now card only, and you now order food and drink via a QR code.
The main difference is that you really need to book everything in advance. The plus side to all this is that nowhere ever feels too busy.
Aqua Sana spa offers some much needed respite.
Following a £6million refurb, the spa at Longleat continues to be one of the best in the country, with 24 “experiences” (look out for the Moonlight Steam Room which heats up beautifully before unexpectedly showering you with water), Deep Relax (everyone needs a snooze on a waterbed about half-way through, right?) a heated outdoor pool and the Hot Springs hot tubs, which are a perfect way to end your three-hour session (£49) as the outside air and hot bubbling water invigorates the senses, waking you slowly and leaving you ready to return to reality.
On another day, I book in for the new Mind, Body, and Sole Experience. Brisk body brushing, exfoliation and a slathering of lotion are all going on before I’m cocooned in towels for a neck and scalp massage, left to dreamily drift as my pressure points are mercilessly manipulated.
Elemis Frangipane Body Oil is massaged through my locks, which I’m sure isn’t the greatest look for a spot of ping pong, but I’m so relaxed, I really don’t care.
For those who don’t want to cook, there are nine different eateries at Longleat Forest, but Las Iguanas is easily the best.
Family sharers of nachos, Brazilian beach cheese and chicken and mango empanadas go down a storm before we tuck into our mains. Burritos, enchiladas, curry and kids meals are soon gobbled up, washed down with boozy cocktails and Corona on tap.
Thankfully, after all that overindulgence, the undulating forest the park is built on makes for a decent workout, whether you’re attempting to cycle up one of the many hills, or even just walking.
Depending on your lodge is, it’s likely you’ll be making your daily step count pretty easily.
So, whether you love the ease of any family holiday park, or are yet to see what the fuss is about, with fewer options in the mix, it’s a great time to try Center Parcs – if only to hear yourself scream like a teenager again.
P.S.
Four weeks before your visit, book your activities, and reserve tables for dinner. If you have hopes set on fancier activities or spa treatments, or just want some choice on what you do when, best to be organised.
Factfile:
Four weeks before your visit, book your activities, and reserve tables for dinner. If you have hopes set on fancier activities or spa treatments, or just want some choice on what you do when, best to be organised.
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