Football bad boy Paul McGowan has admitted he feared his son would be ashamed to call him dad.
The Dundee star was spared prison last week after being found guilty of assaulting a police officer for the third time.
Now he’s revealed he’s determined to get his life back on track and win the respect of his biggest fan, son Leo, six.
Lifting the lid on the darkest chapter of his life, the former Celtic player, 27, said: “I have challenges in my life and I’m facing up to them.
“I need to become a better person and I’m trying my best to do so. I have a young son to think about and I need to be a positive influence on his life.
“Leo is delighted his dad is a footballer. He loves football and wearing his Dundee strip.
“I nearly took that away from him last week. I want him to be proud of me, not ashamed.
“I don’t want him to hear about his dad being on the front pages for hitting a policeman.”
The player who has had a gambling problem appeared before Airdrie Sheriff Court last week for assaulting a police officer last November.
He expected to be jailed but was placed on a restriction of liberty order which confines him to his home between 7pm and 7am for the next 16 weeks.
He will constantly wear a ‘tag’ to make sure he is monitored.
McGowan had two previous convictions for police assault and knows that if he steps out of line one more time he will be behind bars.
He said: “I need to tackle my demons every day. I can’t do it on my own. Too often I’m a closed book and if I’m feeling down I’m too proud to let people see that side of me.
“People have lost their lives through different addictions. I’m lucky to be here.”
He added: “I also have to consider my parents.
“My dad has taken me up and down the length and breadth of the country from when I was kid playing boys’ club football.
“The sacrifices they’ve made for me have been unbelievable.
“To see what my behaviour has put them through has hit me hard. They’ve had sleepless nights. I can’t put them through that stress again.”
McGowan is no longer with Leo’s mother, Jennifer, and he knows his off-field lifestyle contributed to that break-up.
He said: “When I was with Jennifer I was still trying to live a life of partying and not facing up to my responsibilities as a partner and a parent.
“I have so many regrets, but I have to move on and make my life better for myself and for the people around me. I’ve let a lot of people down. There are no excuses.”
Dundee FC has vowed to support the player.
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