Carers must remember to take care of themselves, too

Is it any surprise so many women feel squeezed, like they’re the filling in a sandwich?

A survey claims women in Scotland are being pushed to breaking point caring for elderly parents while looking after their own families.

One in four aged 50 to 64 are faced with caring responsibilities. And many of them put off difficult decisions about care homes for mum or dad as they feel it’s their ‘duty’ to look after their parents.

Meanwhile their own children and grandchildren need help with things like babysitting duties.

The result is a “sandwich generation” that pays the price and feels under pressure.

Women have always assumed the role of carers. We’re the ones who make sure the parents and in-laws get regular visits, phone calls and family updates. We recognise when our elderly relatives need a bit of help whether it’s with housework, taking them for medical appointments, making sure they’re eating properly.

Words like “duty” and “sacrifice” sound noble but in family life they come down to the everyday things you do for your parents and your children. And when you marry it’s only natural to take on the in-laws, too.

For generations women have been unpaid social workers. But the change has come because women today live more active and demanding lives, have careers, a life outside the home and yet we still try to be all things to all people.

No matter how tight our schedule we will squeeze in a visit to mum who is feeling a bit under the weather and we’ll do her shopping and take home her ironing.

Your dad lives on his own? You ask him round for dinner, drive him home and sit for a chat and a cup of tea. It gives you a chance to ask if he has been to the doctor to see about that wee health problem he has. Then you make the appointment for the next week and take him.

Calendars in homes all over the country are full of reminders about these little tasks our “sandwich generation” take on board. So no wonder we feel burnt out with all the demands on our time.

But I don’t know the solution. I met up with a group of female friends last week and we were all in the same situation caught between a rock and a hard place, wanting to do our best for the older and the younger generation.

Let’s just take a collective deep breathe. Go easy on ourselves when we aren’t the perfect daughter or the perfect mother. You know what? Those mythical creatures don’t exist.

We need to care for ourselves sometimes. Take time out to do something that helps us relax, whether it’s a lunch with our pals and a cheeky wee bottle of wine, a bit of fun shopping, a mani/pedi at our favourite salon, a wintery walk along a canal or a few stolen hours with a DVD boxset.

The truth, is if you feel stressed out you have nothing left to give. So if you’re caught in the middle of the sandwich, make sure there’s a little space left for you.

Treat yourself to that most precious thing of all a little well deserved “me time”.