Mumbling hellraiser Ozzy Osborne can’t understand himself on TV!

“I don’t know what was going through my head in the 80s, I looked like a drag queen!”

Sometimes Ozzy Osbourne is a bit hard to understand.

It’s often why he needs subtitles when he’s on telly on this side of the pond.

But the man who once led one of the craziest lifestyles in rock and roll isn’t offended when he sees captions beneath his exasperated on-screen mumblings.

“I don’t like to watch myself on TV,” he said. “I can’t understand myself and I’m speaking! A lot of people on TV never watch themselves. I look at myself and think: ‘Lift your head up and speak slower!”

But a relaxed Ozzy is quite happy to chat away. The Black Sabbath frontman and reality television star seemed very calm and contented as he stroked his beloved dog Rocky who’s too fat because he’s been drinking Guinness, apparently.

He’s gone from biting the heads off bats to happily stroking his hound.

“There was a lot I wish I hadn’t done,” he explained. “I don’t know what was going through my head in the 80s, I looked like a drag queen!”

Ozzy invited me for a chat about his new compilation, called Memoirs of a Madman, which contains music and videos spanning his entire career.

But if you think this retrospective is a fullstop to the 65-year-old’s storied life, then you’ve got another thing coming.

“We’re going to do a Black Sabbath album and tour, then I’m going to do a solo album after that,” he said.

“People are saying: ‘You’re 66 in December, why don’t you retire?’ Why would I want to retire? If people want to see me and I’m having fun, what’s the problem? If the audiences dwindle then I’ll hang up my mic.”

There was a time when Ozzy thought he wouldn’t make it this far, though. The Brummie lad’s appetite for self-destruction was as big as anyone’s in rock and roll.

“I remember when I was 24, I thought: ‘I’ll be dead by the time I’m 40 anyway’,” he said. “It was a lifetime away. It was all right until I was 39 and three-quarters!

“I thought I’d like to stick around a bit more! I’ve got no idea why I’m still breathing. I should have been dead a thousand times.

“I’m afraid of my own mortality. Especially when I came home drunk to the wife with a frying pan in her hand. When Sharon shouts: ‘OZZY!’ then that’s when I get frightened.”

Ozzy successfully kicked the booze and drugs, much to the delight of his loving wife Sharon, and his two children, Jack and Kelly.

Yet it was only 18 months ago he revealed he’d fallen off the wagon but, thankfully, that battle has been won again.

“I’m doing well now,” he said. “I feel good because I don’t come round in the morning, I wake up.

“You couldn’t write my story, it’s been remarkable. People ask if I have regrets yes, but that’s what makes this story unique.”